Have you ever heard God talk to you? I have. But it's not always easy to understand it's Him speaking. But then there are times when it's crystal clear that it's the Lord. Sometimes it's simply someone saying just what I needed to hear without asking them to say it. Sometimes it can be something I read. Sometimes it's a song, yes, even a movie. Then there are times when I'm faced with a decision and I can't decide if I'm leaning towards one direction according to my own desires and understanding, or if it's actually God leading me that direction. But my favorite form of communication is when it's clearly the Lord speaking. Now, for me, it's not a voice that I don't recognize. For me, these special moments are when a completely random thought pops into my head while I'm praying. It may come during a moment when I'm not actually saying something. But, it's absolutely a wonderful moment. And I know it's God because that thought never came to me before that moment; it was never said by anyone else; it was purely original. The way I feel after realizing what He said is simply confirmation. It's an inexplicable joy, an exciting hope, a rejuvenating sensation, like taking in a refreshing drink, but instead of it lasting a few minutes, it lasts for days. This has only happened to me about three times. But the most recent time is the one I want to share with you now.
As my regular readers know, I started going to college two years ago for Graphic Design after graduating high school three years earlier. (To read about how I reached the decision to go to college go here. To read about why I waited three years, and how it was God's perfect timing, go here.) I reached my final semester starting in August 2019. This was the make or break semester. This was the semester with the dreaded Portfolio Development class. Now, for experienced graphic designers, this class may be a breeze, but for me and my classmates, and all who came before us, it was a nightmare. We had to create 22 original projects for our portfolios by the end of November. These projects may include several pieces. One project may include four unique posters. Another project may include brochures, flyers, newsletters, posters, T-Shirts, and more. I knew it was going to be a hard class, but my expectations were exceeded. I struggled so hard. At the same time, I was taking three other classes. As the deadline drew near, and only half the projects I needed done, I wondered how on earth I was supposed to do this.
At the school, there is a whole wall containing all the names of the people who had come before me and completed this class and graduated. How did they do it? I was praying all the time, "God, please help me get this work done, and done well." I kept praying this over and over, and it rarely helped me. As I thought of those other people who succeeded, I thought how could they have done it when most of them probably never prayed this prayer.
One night, when I was standing alone under the stars, only a week to the deadline and still almost half of the projects I needed were waiting to be brought to life, I poured out my heart to God. I cried and asked how. How could my predecessors do this? I don't think I can do this. How can God help me? Please help me, God. I just poured out all my heart and anxieties to Him. Suddenly, when my thoughts and words ceased for just one moment, I heard, "I gave you everything you need." My sobbing instantly stopped. What did He just say? I heard it again. "I gave you everything you need. You already have everything you need." I began to realize what He meant. I had been praying for help. I just needed to keep at my computer, and it would all work out.
I don't know if it was paralyzing fear that kept me from working. I don't know if I was overthinking it. But, when I heard this message, it was like a huge weight was lifted off my chest. I felt stronger and more able to accomplish this seemingly impossible task.
All my life I have heard that I'm not enough, that I need to rely on God in everything. At the same time, I have heard that we must work. God doesn't just give things to freeloaders. But again, just rely on God for EVERYTHING because you are not enough on your own. These two ideologies didn't work together in my head. How could I rely on God and my own strength to work? It was only when God said He gave me everything I needed, it's then that I understood how both extremes work together. Yes, I continued to rely on God to provide, but I had to also believe He did provide. No, I couldn't do it on my own. But that doesn't mean He comes down from Heaven as flesh and blood to sit beside me at my computer and tell me what to do. He gave me confidence; He gave me inspiration; He gave me energy; He gave me the ability to recall the knowledge I had gained in all the classes that came before this one. He gave me what I asked for and more, I just needed to believe it and work.
I finished my portfolio on time. I ended up having to stay awake twenty-three hours to get it turned in on time, but I did it. All because God had equipped me to be able to do the work.
It's through this experience that I gained a new understanding of one of the ways God works. People always say that we humans are not enough. But the truth is we are enough. And we are ONLY enough because God makes us this way. This is a dangerous idea, and should be considered carefully. We, on our own, without faith in God, are not enough to save ourselves from sin. We are not enough to save someone else from sin. We, on our own, are not enough to get through the conflict before us. But, when we ask God to help us, when we believe and trust in God to bring us out the other side, He equips us to be enough.
Now, I learned two years ago going to school was something God was calling me to do. So, when I say God equipped me to succeed, it was because I was at the center of His will. I had pledged then to trust God with all my education. I continued to keep that promise and will continue to throughout this new path I'm on (which is a story for another time). But, God will always equip you to be exactly what is needed to accomplish His will if you surrender yourself to His will. And I promise you, when you are at the center of His will, there is nothing like it. There is just this amazing joy and peace that I feel when I know I am where God wants me.
I know it's hard to explain, it's hard to understand. But you are enough because God is enough. Never let anyone diminish your value. When God calls you to something, He makes you enough. That doesn't mean He is done with you in that moment; it doesn't mean He's done growing and maturing you; it doesn't mean you are enough to get yourself into Heaven; it simply means to not be afraid, because the Holy Spirit lives within you, and you are fearfully, and wonderfully made.