Perhaps...

2020 is drawing to a close. As we look back, we may be quick to say, "it was the worst year ever." You could point to Covid, to statistics, to elections, to political unrest. But what if you looked back on the little moments, on the little blessings that ammount to great heights?

Think back to previous years you thought were "the worst." Do you think they're so bad now? If no, why? Is it because this year was much worse? What if you considered 2021 to be even worse? That's a terrible way to look at your life. To think that "this" year was worse than "last" year every year. That would imply that each year grows in severity.

But what if the year really wasn't as bad as you believed? What if it's just because that's how it felt in that minute minute (my-noot min-et), that one day, one week, or one month? And if you think it was all twelve months, then you're looking at the big picture, and not the small scenes. You're focusing on the disasters and not the fact that you picked yourself up and moved on. If you didn't, you wouldn't be here reading this.

What if you zoomed in and looked at why you kept going? What will you see? It will be different for everyone. Perhaps you felt love. Whether it be from a spouse, a child, a parent, a sibling, a cousin, an aunt, an uncle, a neighbor, a co-worker, a boss, someone at the store, the doctor, or even an animal, such as a dog, cat, fish, horse, goat, or chicken. Doesn't matter where it came from or what type, you probably experienced love.

Did you give love? Maybe to a spouse, a child, a neighbor, an animal. The list is the same as above, but I'm not going to make you read it again. You can even add to it. Did you meet someone new? Giving love is just as great as receiving it.

Did you read a book? Watch a movie that touched your heart? Listened to a song that made you dance? Hear a joke that made you laugh? Did you smile one time?

Did you eat some bad food that helped you appreciate good food? Did you learn something? Did you grow in your faith, whatever faith that may be?

There are a million little things that greatly outweigh the few big things. Before you're quick to dismiss 2020 as "the worst year ever," think for a moment about your personal 2020. Most of what we see as bad was really what happened on a big scale. Some of what happened to others may not have even touched you.

Now, I'm not living in my own, imaginative, perfect world. I know that there are hundreds of thousands of people who lost a loved one or more. They lost their jobs. They lost their business. They lost something important and valuable. But they didn't give up either. They didn't just lay down and say, "I can never experience good again." That's not how we work. That's not how God wired us.

Take the time, as you look back on the year, to realize, before the year is over, that perhaps the whole year wasn't as terrible as the world would have you believe.

I'm praying for those who have lost someone or something. I know that others will join me. We don't know you, we don't know each other, but we are all loved by God. We are His children, and that's enough. I have been through darkness, times when I asked God "why?" That wasn't me this year, but it doesn't matter the year. God is always faithful, even if it's in ways we didn't expect. I just want everyone who is reading this to know, you're not one among millions, an insignificant one. To God, you are one among ones. Everything about you is important to Him.

This is my last post on this blog. It has been an amazing 6 years. Thank you for reading this blog. I love and continue to pray for you all.

-Elizabeth :)

Jesus loves you! <3

God is Enough. Because He is, so Are You.

Have you ever heard God talk to you? I have. But it's not always easy to understand it's Him speaking. But then there are times when it's crystal clear that it's the Lord. Sometimes it's simply someone saying just what I needed to hear without asking them to say it. Sometimes it can be something I read. Sometimes it's a song, yes, even a movie. Then there are times when I'm faced with a decision and I can't decide if I'm leaning towards one direction according to my own desires and understanding, or if it's actually God leading me that direction. But my favorite form of communication is when it's clearly the Lord speaking. Now, for me, it's not a voice that I don't recognize. For me, these special moments are when a completely random thought pops into my head while I'm praying. It may come during a moment when I'm not actually saying something. But, it's absolutely a wonderful moment. And I know it's God because that thought never came to me before that moment; it was never said by anyone else; it was purely original. The way I feel after realizing what He said is simply confirmation. It's an inexplicable joy, an exciting hope, a rejuvenating sensation, like taking in a refreshing drink, but instead of it lasting a few minutes, it lasts for days. This has only happened to me about three times. But the most recent time is the one I want to share with you now.
As my regular readers know, I started going to college two years ago for Graphic Design after graduating high school three years earlier. (To read about how I reached the decision to go to college go here. To read about why I waited three years, and how it was God's perfect timing, go here.) I reached my final semester starting in August 2019. This was the make or break semester. This was the semester with the dreaded Portfolio Development class. Now, for experienced graphic designers, this class may be a breeze, but for me and my classmates, and all who came before us, it was a nightmare. We had to create 22 original projects for our portfolios by the end of November. These projects may include several pieces. One project may include four unique posters. Another project may include brochures, flyers, newsletters, posters, T-Shirts, and more. I knew it was going to be a hard class, but my expectations were exceeded. I struggled so hard. At the same time, I was taking three other classes. As the deadline drew near, and only half the projects I needed done, I wondered how on earth I was supposed to do this.
At the school, there is a whole wall containing all the names of the people who had come before me and completed this class and graduated. How did they do it? I was praying all the time, "God, please help me get this work done, and done well." I kept praying this over and over, and it rarely helped me. As I thought of those other people who succeeded, I thought how could they have done it when most of them probably never prayed this prayer.
One night, when I was standing alone under the stars, only a week to the deadline and still almost half of the projects I needed were waiting to be brought to life, I poured out my heart to God. I cried and asked how. How could my predecessors do this? I don't think I can do this. How can God help me? Please help me, God. I just poured out all my heart and anxieties to Him. Suddenly, when my thoughts and words ceased for just one moment, I heard, "I gave you everything you need." My sobbing instantly stopped. What did He just say? I heard it again. "I gave you everything you need. You already have everything you need." I began to realize what He meant. I had been praying for help. I just needed to keep at my computer, and it would all work out.
I don't know if it was paralyzing fear that kept me from working. I don't know if I was overthinking it. But, when I heard this message, it was like a huge weight was lifted off my chest. I felt stronger and more able to accomplish this seemingly impossible task.
All my life I have heard that I'm not enough, that I need to rely on God in everything. At the same time, I have heard that we must work. God doesn't just give things to freeloaders. But again, just rely on God for EVERYTHING because you are not enough on your own. These two ideologies didn't work together in my head. How could I rely on God and my own strength to work? It was only when God said He gave me everything I needed, it's then that I understood how both extremes work together. Yes, I continued to rely on God to provide, but I had to also believe He did provide. No, I couldn't do it on my own. But that doesn't mean He comes down from Heaven as flesh and blood to sit beside me at my computer and tell me what to do. He gave me confidence; He gave me inspiration; He gave me energy; He gave me the ability to recall the knowledge I had gained in all the classes that came before this one. He gave me what I asked for and more, I just needed to believe it and work.
I finished my portfolio on time. I ended up having to stay awake twenty-three hours to get it turned in on time, but I did it. All because God had equipped me to be able to do the work.
It's through this experience that I gained a new understanding of one of the ways God works. People always say that we humans are not enough. But the truth is we are enough. And we are ONLY enough because God makes us this way. This is a dangerous idea, and should be considered carefully. We, on our own, without faith in God, are not enough to save ourselves from sin. We are not enough to save someone else from sin. We, on our own, are not enough to get through the conflict before us. But, when we ask God to help us, when we believe and trust in God to bring us out the other side, He equips us to be enough.
Now, I learned two years ago going to school was something God was calling me to do. So, when I say God equipped me to succeed, it was because I was at the center of His will. I had pledged then to trust God with all my education. I continued to keep that promise and will continue to throughout this new path I'm on (which is a story for another time). But, God will always equip you to be exactly what is needed to accomplish His will if you surrender yourself to His will. And I promise you, when you are at the center of His will, there is nothing like it. There is just this amazing joy and peace that I feel when I know I am where God wants me.
I know it's hard to explain, it's hard to understand. But you are enough because God is enough. Never let anyone diminish your value. When God calls you to something, He makes you enough. That doesn't mean He is done with you in that moment; it doesn't mean He's done growing and maturing you; it doesn't mean you are enough to get yourself into Heaven; it simply means to not be afraid, because the Holy Spirit lives within you, and you are fearfully, and wonderfully made.

Dreams

If you have ever watched a Disney movie, what is the one thing they all have in common? Dreams come true.
But, what does that mean for a Christian? Does it mean anything? Is God standing by, waiting to grant our wishes, so we can have a happily ever after like in the movies? God wants us to be happy, right?
Growing up I had a VHS tape player and a modern CRT Television. For my younger readers, those were the TVs we had before flat-screen TVs. Eventually, my parents got me a CRT TV VHS combo, where the tape player was built-in to the TV. That was really cool. Anyway, I would watch old Disney cartoons on that TV. Peter Pan, Cinderella, The Little Mermaid, etc. For years I dreamed of magic, love, beauty. I knew all the songs by heart. "If you keep on believing, the dreams that you wish will come true."
All my life I would wish for dreams to come true. When I was older and became a Christian, I would pray for the things that I wanted to happen. Sometimes my dreams did come true. But a lot of times dreams did not come true. As I got even older, I would have bigger dreams, and more often the dreams would fail.
Recently, I would grow discouraged, lose hope, and become depressed. Especially after family medical issues happened and never went away, even though a hundred people every day prayed for healing. I graduated from high school with no possibility of owning a car. I would see friends left and right dating, getting engaged, married, and having children, all while I'm stuck in fast food service, with still no car. I had dreamed of having my own family for as long as I could remember. When I played with my Barbie dolls growing up, there would always be some tragic romances, beautiful families, and strong marriages. But there I was, three years out of high school, just starting college for the first time, still no car, and never been on a date.
Two years later, I have graduated from college, still no car, and still not one single date. Why aren't my dreams coming true? I have waited so long, and so many around me, even people younger than me, are getting married. Where is my happily ever after?

Let's rewind two months. I'm in the middle of my final college semester, so many things going on at school. Piles of homework are overshadowing every part of my life. I need a break, even though I really can't afford one. I hadn't even been to church in a month. But, at least they keep me in the loop because Fall Retreat was coming up. I knew, no matter what, I needed to go on that retreat.
October 25th came and I went. I was so excited. We were going to Fort Lone Tree, a camp that hosts church groups. I was excited because it is perfectly situated in the Capitans of New Mexico. Last year was our first time to go to that place. When we had arrived then, there were real clouds rolling over the tops of the mountains. I live in flat west Texas. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE Texas, but this was really something.
This year, as my carpool drove up to the camp, there was not a cloud to be seen in the whole blue sky. Ouch. But, I was going to enjoy this weekend no matter what, and maybe God would refresh my heart somehow.
On the trip there, I realized later, that God had already started working on my heart. I was reading a book by Tenth Avenue North's own Mike Donehey, Finding God's Life for My Will. I was reading about how Mike had dreams to be an athlete, but a car wreck kept him bedridden for weeks. He picked up a guitar to pass the time. He continued to play sports, but it wasn't his calling. Then he attempted to be a stage actor. He even went to college for acting. But he could never get into the big roles. It wasn't till later that he found his true calling, to be a singer. To help people worship God through music. Boy, am I glad that he followed that calling. But, the point was his first dreams did not come true. Instead, he got something better.
That touched me, but it wasn't too significant to me till later. In addition to reading this book, my car buddies wanted to listen to Disney music, of all things, and again I heard the familiar lyrics about love and dreams.
Later at the retreat, the speaker talked about how to deal with stress by spending more time with God. Then he talked about how to carve out time for God in the midst of a busy day. Then, out of the blue, like he didn't even plan to say it, and it sure didn't quite seem to fit with what he was just talking about, he said, "You gotta let your plans get swallowed up by the plans of Jesus." It was like the Lord was speaking directly to me. He said a few more sentences that led to what we see as a victory, may not be the victory that Jesus has planned. I wanted to run to my cabin room and ball. God had been trying to tell me for a long time to let my dreams go, but I would tune Him out. Now He was going to speak and I had to listen.

God loves you like a father. And just like a father, He wants what's best for you. And just like a father, He knows what's best. However, what He knows is best may not look like what we think is best. Let me unpack that.
The retreat speaker (We'll call him G) said that his father began losing his eyesight when G was a kid. The doctors couldn't do anything to reverse the problem. G prayed for healing for his dad, but God said no. However, because of his blindness, G's dad was able to talk to more people about Jesus than ever before. The victory, though G realized it years later, was not what anyone thought it would be.

I had to think about that. My family medical problems had not gone away after several years, and I still could not see the victory. I dreamed of finding true love, but that was far out of sight. If I couldn't have those, why couldn't I just have a car? When will I get to move out of my parents' house? When can I write full time? When can I have my own kids to love and nurture in the love of Jesus? All my dreams did was make me impatient and sad. I was so sure that God had these plans for me as well. I felt Him place it on my heart many years ago to adopt children once I could start my own family. But when was that going to happen? These dreams became more like a contract with God. My thoughts went along the lines of, God wants this of me, therefore, I know He will make it happen, and soon. I just can't wait. But lately, God had been trying to tell me to let go of those dreams, to stop holding onto them so tightly.
I took that another direction before the retreat. I thought, if I let go, they'll get here faster. But That didn't work out so well either. The expectations became excruciatingly difficult to suppress because then I was making a deal with God, waiting for Him to keep His end of the bargain.
But at the Fall Retreat, I knew what I had to do. When I had some free time, I went to my cabin room, got out a pen and some paper, and wrote down all my dreams, even old ones that had never gone away. I prayed over the list and gave them all to God, to keep, or to give back, that it was entirely up to Him. Then on the back of that list, I wrote down my prayer, dated it, and put it in the back of my notebook. I was scared that He would never give any of them back, but I also felt relief, like a tiny weight had been lifted off my heart.

This was something that was a long time coming. However, it never ended. The fight to let go of my dreams still continues. I have to surrender every day, knowing that God's victory is going to be so much better than I can imagine. I still like to sing those old Disney songs, and I still have hope for some of my dreams, but I continue to surrender them to my Lord, not allowing them to control my mood. And sometimes, that's what gets me through another day without a car and a boyfriend.
Now that I'm graduated, I can look for a car paying job, while I'm surrendering and trusting Jesus.

I hope this story encourages you to listen to God's pull on your heart, whether it's to give up your dreams, or something else. The thing is, God doesn't give us true love, fame, and fortune as the end-all, be-all to our happiness. God wants our hearts. When we surrender our hearts to Him He fills us with peace and joy. That's the best kind of happiness.

-Elizabeth
Jesus Loves You!